I've been having these bizarre, terrifying experiences off and on for almost 20 years, but most frequently in the past 5 years or so. This week it has happened three times, and although it never occurred to me before to do any research on the internet, my sister suggested it and the first link I looked at brought me here, to another woman's story. I was astonished to find that her experience was almost identical to my own, and now I am bursting with curiosity about it. Maybe someone out there will read this and will be able to give me some sort of explanation.
It always happens when I'm in bed, either just as I am drifting into the sleep state, or later at night when something awakens me and I begin to fall back asleep. I always *think* that I am awake when it begins, but now I'm not sure. I feel like I'm awake, feel like I'm in my body, and then suddenly I am not in control. It didn't used to happen this way, but for the past few months any time it happens it begins with a ringing in my ears that rapidly grows louder. The ringing is unpleasant - it's like a super high-pitched monotone. This is accompanied by a sudden sensation of floating, or weightlessness. The floating sensation is actually nice. It feels free - and sometimes I get the feeling that I just need to let go and let it happen, but I don't seem to ever be able to do it, because it quickly becomes very scary. Always with these episodes I have the sensation that something, or someone, is there, and taking control of me. Probably that's just my mind's interpretation (I don't really believe in malevolent entities), but it's a powerful sensation. The floating feeling feels like something is taking me away. I don't know how else to explain it. Taking me away, or trapping me, and immediately I have an overpowering urge to fight it. That's where the paralysis part comes in. I get terrified at this point, because I feel myself floating, and sometimes I actually do move around. I'll be carried off of my bed, or through a wall into another room, and the whole time I am struggling against it. I feel like I'm under a hundred feet of water, or like I have chains around me. I try to move my arms and legs and I can't; or if I do manage to, it's with an incredible lethargy and it's so slow, so feeble, that it's useless. Sometimes I try to shout or scream, and I can't make any sound come out. Other times I have literally tried to throw my body around, to that doesn't really work either. Generally I struggle for some period of time and then suddenly I am opening my eyes (for real) and i'm in my bed, right where I started, and I am always shocked to find that I haven't moved and the world hasn't ended.
This has happened so many times now that I recognize it when it happens. Even as it is happening, I am telling myself that it's not real, and I just need to "wake up," even though I feel like i'm fully awake. This is definitely not a dream, and not the normal dream state. It feels 100% real and physical, and I remember every episode vividly, all the way back to the first one when I was 17 years old. I don't know what to make of it. I was stunned when I read this other woman's account (it is several years old at this point), and saw that she described these exact same sensations. Many people had comments about it being an out of body experience, or the beginnings of one, and this is something that had never occurred to me before, but I suppose it makes sense. My questions are... Why does something that I would think would be a fascinating experience feel so negative and terrifying? As I said, some part of me always does have this urge to let go, and not struggle, and tells me that everything really is ok, and I should just go with it. But every time I try, I just feel like there is this something, or this someone, a very negative something, trying to do something to me, and I always end up fighting against it. I know I'm probably opening a big can of worms putting this out here and asking for opinions, but my curiosity now, after reading some other people's experiences, is too strong to resist. Can anyone give me any idea what's going on? And if this really is me attempting to have an OBE, why does it feel so terrible and how can I let go and have a positive experience? Many thanks.